Бородатый рецепт рождественского торта

Попадается на глаза уже не вперой, но радовать продолжает и потому считаю своим долгом увековечить сиё в моё вековечном бортовом журнале.

An Award Winning Christmas Cake Recipe

Ingredients:

1 cup butter
1 cup sugar
4 large eggs
1 tsp baking powder
1 or 2 qts WHISKEY
1 tsp salt
Lemon juice
1 cup brown sugar
nuts
1 tsp baking soda

DIRECTIONS

Before you start, sample the whiskey to check for quality. Good, isn't it?. Now, go ahead. Select a large mixing bowl, measuring cup, etc. Check the whiskey again as it must be just right. To be sure the whiskey is of the highest quality, pour one level cup into a glass and drink it as fast as you can. Repeat. With an electric mixer, beat 1 cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add 1 tsp of thugar and beat again. Meanwhile, make sure that the whiskey is of the finest quality: cry another tup. Open a second quart if necessary. Add 2 arge leggs, 2 cups fried fruit and beat til high. If druit get stuck in beaters, just pry it loose with a drewscriver. Sample the whiskey again, cheking for tonscisticity. Next, sift 3 cups salt or anything, it doesn't really matter. Sample the whiskey. Sift 1/2 pint lemon juice. Fold in chopped butter and strained nuts. Add 1 babblespoon of brown sugar, or whatever color you can find, and wix mell. Grease oven and turn cake pan to 350 gredees. Now pour the whole mess into coven and ake. Check the whiskey again. Go to bed

Вот и ещё одна теория света... гы-гы-гы...

THE DARK SUCKER THEORY

For years, it has been believed that electric bulbs emit light, but recent information has proved otherwise. Electric bulbs don't emit light; they suck dark. Thus, we call these bulbs Dark Suckers.

The Dark Sucker Theory and the existence of dark suckers prove that dark has mass and is heavier than light.

First, the basis of the Dark Sucker Theory is that electric bulbs suck dark. For example, take the Dark Sucker in the room you are in. There is much less dark right next to it than there is elsewhere. The larger the Dark Sucker, the greater its capacity to suck dark. Dark Suckers in the parking lot have a much greater capacity to suck dark than the ones in this room.

So with all things, Dark Suckers don't last forever. Once they are full of dark, they can no longer suck. This is proven by the dark spot on a full Dark Sucker. The dark which has been absorbed is then transmitted by pylons along to power plants where the machinery uses fossil fuel to destroy it.

A candle is a primitive Dark Sucker. A new candle has a white wick. You can see that after the first use, the wick turns black, representing all the dark that has been sucked into it. If you put a pencil next to the wick of an operating candle, it will turn black. This is because it got in the way of the dark flowing into the candle. One of the disadvantages of these primitive Dark Suckers is their limited range.

There are also portable Dark Suckers. In these, the bulbs can't handle all the dark by themselves and must be aided by a Dark Storage Unit. When the Dark Storage Unit is full, it must be either emptied or replaced before the portable Dark Sucker can operate again.

Dark has mass. When dark goes into a Dark Sucker, friction from the mass generates heat. Thus, it is not wise to touch an operating Dark Sucker. Candles present a special problem as the mass must travel into a solid wick instead of through clear glass. This generates a great amount of heat and therefore it's not wise to touch an operating candle. This is easily proven for lightbulbs too. When you compress a gas, it gets hot, right? So the light bulb gets hot because of all the dark being squished into the wires.

Also, dark is heavier than light. If you were to swim just below the surface of the lake, you would see a lot of light. If you were to slowly swim deeper and deeper, you would notice it getting darker and darker. When you get really deep, you would be in total darkness. This is because the heavier dark sinks to the bottom of the lake and the lighter light floats at the top. The is why it is called light.

Finally, we must prove that dark is faster than light. If you were to stand in a lit room in front of a closed, dark closet, and slowly opened the closet door, you would see the light slowly enter the closet. But since dark is so fast, you would not be able to see the dark leave the closet. So next time you see an electric bulb, remember that it is not a light emitter but a Dark Sucker.

Где мои семнадцать лет?

When the Floyd was Pink, the Blue was absolutely Shocking and the Stones were Rolling...

Сижу вот и праздную окончание музыкальной эры.
Слушать стало совсем нечего. Слышно конечно что-то по прежнему и даже временами громко.
Но на большинство из того что слышно у меня лично уже сформировалась устойчая такая реакция, описаная когда-то краткими ёмкими словами Егора Летова - "Вырубите нахуй!"

Всё. Вырубил...